I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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