I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
