She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize