You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
