I queefed so loud it echoed.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
