Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
