I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
We named our party play list daddy issues
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
we're making bets on your personal life
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
