Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
