Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
