Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
she looked like the before picture.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
