Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
