I think my fart just growled at me.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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