I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
