i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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