Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
