Christians are straight up FREAKS
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
