just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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