I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
