You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
