My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
