Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
well you can't waste a boner
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We don't watch enough power rangers
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
