I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
