How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
