You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
