Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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