I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
