last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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