I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
