Moan for me like Helen Keller
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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