im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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