We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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