The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
