; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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