sorry about calling you the devil all night.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
