Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize