I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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