we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Found the puke drawer
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
