Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Randomize
