He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
