Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
