I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
