Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
