I wish I could punch you in the face.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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