I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
