My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
