My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
