RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
