What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
