May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
