what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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