Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Life is so much better after having sex.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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