JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
