last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
