Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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