okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
