Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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