she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
