Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
