I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
