Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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