Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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