Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize