Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
