Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize