she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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