awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
