two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I believe in your delicious
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
