I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize