I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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