omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
