I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
