He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
