apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I am one with the molecules
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
