Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
