oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
