oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
