No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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