How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
