Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
