Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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