First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
