He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize