A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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