I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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