her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
