TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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