he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
