I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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