the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
