College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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