What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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