People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
