Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize