Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
