i permit you to call me
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
