it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm sobbing to NWA
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
