She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
