So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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