do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
