I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
