if only i could text you this smell
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
